What I thought... An Introduction

I always thought I was too smart and too strong to end up in an abusive relationship. I'd seen loved ones and friends in them, I thought I knew the signs. I was confident that if abuse of any kind happened to me, I'd be able to just leave, that I wouldn't stay where I always felt awful.

I was wrong.

I was right in the aspect that I knew the signs, but by the time I realized they were happening to me, it was too late. Of course I wanted to leave, I thought about it many times, but what I didn't realize, what I didn't feel by watching others go through it, was the utter despair, the hopelessness, the anger and most importantly the fear. It's easy to watch someone else go through it say "why don't you just leave?" or "why do you stay with him/her?", it's an entirely different experience to be in it and feel what goes on.

I called this blog Timid Rabbit to Lovely Bunny, because that's what I was, a timid rabbit, afraid of what would happen, and what I am, a lovely bunny and a survivor of an abusive relationship. It was an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship, with a few points, that looking back on now, were border-lining physical, and definitely some sexual abuse as well. I still carry the scars of this abuse, and sometimes the patterns that developed when I was in that "timid rabbit" stage still manifest, but I no longer feel like the scared rabbit. I'm working everyday to overcome that and see the "lovely bunny" that has emerged now.

I could have just wrote up my story and put it up on some site about abusive relationships and awareness, but I would never be satisfied just writing a summary of what happened. I wanted somewhere to talk about everything I went through on my schedule and in my own way. When I have flashbacks, or doubts or just remember something that I need to talk about, that's what this is for. Writing has always helped me in the past and I hope to use it now to help myself heal.

Also, I will incorporate advice, research, help and encouragement through this blog as well. No one deserves to be abused in any form, if you are, or someone you know is, please seek help. Even if you don't know someone in an abusive relationship, raise your awareness, you never know when a friend, a daughter/son, neighbor, anyone may need help.

Thank you, until next time.
~Bunny